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Ask the Resident (Sex) Advisor

The Resident Sex Advisor answers sex-related questions from college students

Dear RSA,
Me and my girlfriend had just finished having sex. I pulled off the condom and she wanted to go again after she got me hard. She stuck it in without putting another condom on. Is it possible for her to get pregnant from what might have been left on the end of my dick? Matt, Canada

D'oh! Unfortunately, yes, after you took that condom off there was enough baby gravy left on your dick to potentially impregnate your girlfriend. You might as well have suffered a condom mishap - slippage, breakage, etc. And in fact, if anybody asks, you might want to just tell them that that's what happened. Because if you tell them you took the condom off and then stuck it back in, you're going to have to endure a lot of forehead slapping and looks of disbelief.

If it has been less than 72 hours since this incident, there's still time for your girlfriend to take the "morning after" pill, which will prevent a pregnancy from occurring. Contact your local Planned Parenthood or health clinic to get more information. If it's too late for the morning after method, you're just going to have to keep your fingers crossed till she's due for her next period.

There can be thousands of sperm in a drop of semen, and there is also sperm in pre-cum, the fluid that leaks out of your cock when you first get turned on. Sperm are small, resilient, and they're fast swimmers. So never, ever go spelunking in your woman's cave of love without a raincoat.

Dear RSA,
My girlfriend and I argue and then have "make-up sex." The problem I have is that sometimes I'm still mad at her and I really don't feel like screwing right then. When I tell her this, I'm cut off for weeks. What do I do?
Scott, North Carolina

This is a really common pattern that I'm sure most couples are familiar with. Some couples even purposefully pick fights with one another, just so they can make up by having sex. The fighting builds up tension and friction that is released by lovemaking, which is why a post-fight fuck is often so intense and better than regular sex.

Although I don't recommend it as a way of life, the fight-and-fuck cycle is sometimes unavoidable and is not necessarily unhealthy, as long as the fighting part doesn't get out of hand. However, it sounds like something else is going on here as well. Your girlfriend is trying to use sex to manipulate you, and that's not OK. She's also not respecting your feelings by expecting you to screw when you don't want to. Your girlfriend is being controlling - if she can't control you (and your cock) she cuts you off. This is her way of keeping the upper hand in the situation.

So, my next question to you would be this: Who's winning the arguments? If it's you, then this may be her way of trying to keep a balance of power in your relationship. So maybe you should throw her a bone now and then and let her win the next time you argue. If she's the one who's winning, and she's still being a wench, I'd suggest you get a new girlfriend, one who's not such a control freak.

Dear RSA,
I'd like to restore my virginity. Is there such a thing as an artificial hymen so that I can give my lover my "cherry" again and again?
Shelly, Mount Holyoke

If you're really serious about getting your virginity back, you can have your hymen surgically restored and your vagina tightened with laser therapy. However, this is an expensive procedure, so losing your cherry again is another one-time deal.

I think the closest you're going to come to recovering your lost maidenhood is using a vagina-tightening cream or one of the active ingredients these creams contain. There are a number of creams on the market, with names like Shrink Cream and Sure Grip, that claim to shrink your coochie back to virginal proportions. Many contain what they call an "herbal blend." In most cases the active ingredients are witch hazel and/or alum, both of which are astringent and cause the tissues of the vaginal membrane to contract. Rather than investing in the cream, you could just try douching with distilled witch hazel, or a solution of alum dissolved in water. Both are cheap and available at any drug store.

Remember that this will just make your vagina feel tighter during intercourse, and that may be slightly uncomfortable. But then, I assume that the discomfort of the defloration is part of what you're trying to recapture. To enhance the effect, try to have intercourse with a minimum of foreplay so you don't get too lubricated before insertion. That's pretty typical of a "first time" anyway.

Dear RSA,
Is it normal to want to come on my girlfriend's face after sex?
Benji, Connecticut

Sure, wanting to come on your girlfriend's face or another part of her body is perfectly normal and is a very common male fantasy. Coming on a woman's face is commonly known as "giving a facial," or if you come on her neck or breasts "giving her a pearl necklace." It's often acted out in porn, and when it's done by a group of guys on one woman, it's called bukkake.

Women who are really into semen might really enjoy getting a face full of it. If your girlfriend is up for this, give it a try. You might want to put a towel down first, since it might get messy. Exercise some common courtesy and let her know right before you pop one off. And be sure she closes her eyes before you shoot, because semen in the eyes can sting like hell. Have a hand towel or tissues ready for clean up afterwards. You might also suggest doing it in the shower, so it's quick and easy to wash off.

 On the other hand, some women find the idea of getting drenched with cum disgusting and degrading. If your girlfriend feels this way, chances are you won't be able to talk her out of it. If she's on the fence, let her know what you'd like to do and see how she responds. Tell her it would be an incredible turn on for you, and talk your way through the scene beforehand, describing to her what you would do and what would happen when you blow your load all over her. Ideally this would get her hot enough that she'll start jacking you off right then and there.

Dear RSA,
How do females masturbate? I thought it was a stupid question until I read an article saying that 50% of American women actually don't know how to masturbate, and I realized I am one of them.
Lauren, U.S.

Don't feel bad for being in the dark. Although masturbation is a healthy activity that humans engage in naturally, when we're growing up, we're often discouraged from touching ourselves "down there" and that inhibits natural exploration of masturbatory techniques. And it's not like they teach it in school. At least not since Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders got fired.

Most guys figure out pretty easily what to do to get themselves off, but the female body is more complicated and mysterious. There are a lot of different methods for women to use to stimulate themselves to orgasm, and what they choose to do depends on what feels best to them. Some women discover when they're young that it feels good to rub their genitals against sheets or blankets, or an object like a teddy bear, pillow, or furniture. They may continue using this method into adulthood. Others prefer to use manual stimulation, caressing the clitoris (the buttonlike nub protruding above the vagina) with the fingers to bring on a climax. Some people use objects, anything from hairbrushes to hot dogs, to stimulate the clit and insert into the vagina. Some women like to use a vibrator or a stream of water from a shower or faucet to hit their hot button. People can be very creative.

When you're exploring self-love, keep in mind that it can take a while for a woman to reach orgasm - depending on how turned on you are and how your body works, it can take anywhere from two minutes to twenty or more. Just relax, do what feels good, and when you find something that feels really good, do it more. If you want some ideas, there are web sites that offer masturbation tips and instructions on how to make your own sex toys.

Dear RSA,
I get nervous before sex and sometimes I have trouble getting or maintaining my erection. Would Viagra help with my performance anxiety?
Todd, NYU

Performance anxiety is an all-too-common, though little discussed, form of erectile dysfunction. Nerves can easily get in the way of a good, strong erection, making sex less pleasurable or completely impossible.

Viagra very well may help with this problem. Though it doesn't increase sexual desire, it should let help you get hard and stay hard even if you are a little bit nervous. In fact, a very small dose, 25mg or even less, should do the trick if you are otherwise healthy. Cut a 100mg pill into quarters or even eighths and see how it goes. After a few confidence-building rounds taking the drug, you'll probably be able to wean yourself off of it rather quickly.

Of course, Viagra is a prescription medication with potential side effects and complications. You should discuss taking the drug with your doctor, especially if you have any health concerns or are taking any other medications. You also shouldn't mix Viagra with alcohol or other drugs like ecstasy.

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